Thoughts on Love Inspired by Video on Shame by ContraPoints

ContraPoints is a YouTuber philosopher who, as a transgender person, has introduced me to gender issues.  I didn’t even know some of these things existed.

Her latest video on Shame really describes her sexual identity journey from transhetero to transhomo.    Shame about her sexual identity really skewed her romantic choices.  Wow.  So powerful.

Even though I am just plain heterosexual, her description of her relationship with her last boyfriend and her best friend mirrors mine with my husband.

Justin and I had a very intense friendship.  We just couldn’t stay away from one another.  We dated a few months in 1992, and after that we were either inseparable or fighting.  People thought we were divorced.

Justin was always a factor in every romantic relationship after I met him.  Every boyfriend knew about him because I talked and worried about him all the time.  Some of them hated him.  Others dismissed him.  But he was always there.

He set up my dating profile on Match.com for me, and when I went to meet a guy he went with me, lurking in the background to make sure I was safe.

I started to realize I was in love with him while being dragged into one of his rescue missions to clean out one of his friend’s apartments of clutter to prevent eviction.  Oh God, you would not believe the level of clutter.  It took eight hours to clear a path from the back porch door to the dining room.  We actually smelled old air.  You wouldn’t think there was such a thing, but there is.  We saw detergent boxes from the 1980s.  We found a color tv and a full, formal place setting under the trash on the dining table.

It was emotionally draining work.  I realized that I would rather be doing this with Justin, than spending time with my actual boyfriend, who was sweet to me.  Then I realized this was always the case.  I would always rather be with Justin than doing anything with somebody else.  He always made me feel better.  He really hurt my feelings sometimes, and when he did, it devastated me.  I also hurt him a lot out of selfishness and thoughtlessness.  But somehow we were tied to each other as ostensible friends for ten years.

When I got sick, he came over to make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and keep me company. You know, I really want to be with a guy that takes care of me when I am sick, I told a friend.  I need to marry someone like Justin, I said.  When I moved because I sold my condo but the deal to buy another one fell through and I had nowhere to live, Justin helped me pack my things and gave me a place to stay for a while.

For some reason, when it was time to go to my sister’s wedding, I just had to go with Justin, not my boyfriend.  Justin didn’t really understand it, but I insisted.  It was there that I realized Justin was the love of my life.  We got engaged a few weeks later, and married later on that year.  It was the best thing I have ever done in my life.

More Sex Tips for the Young Woman

Friends with benefits = Used like toilet paper

This whole "hooking up" thing is really bad for you. What are you, a blow-up love doll? With no feelings?

You need to spend quality time alone with a guy or gal before deciding that you want to be intimate with them. That way you don't find out what an asshole they are after the fact. (Yes, most of my post refers to heterosexual pairings, it's all I know. But the principles apply to all young women.)

Your potential mate needs to show he's a good catch by:
Calling when he says he's going to call.
Showing up when he says he's going to show up.
Doing what he says he's going to do.
Taking care of you when you are sick.
Caressing and adoring you.
Singling you out to spend time alone with you, not with you and Spanky and the Gang, but alone with you.
Bragging about you and your accomplishments to his friends.
AND HE NEEDS TO ACT THIS WAY OVER A PROLONGED PERIOD OF TIME - MONTHS.

The marketplace rules on this one. You are the supply and he is the demand. Don't just hand out your goodies. Make him work for it.

Think of it this way:

One egg a month - millions of sperm a month.

Those damn sperm are competing and competing for that egg of yours. Even if conception is not the goal, it is the driving force behind the desire for sex. You look at a potential partner and think: "he make good baby." He thinks the same about you.

Relevant old wives tales:
Look at his shoes, if they are not nice and clean it shows that he is not a person of substance but only puts his efforts into appearances.
How he treats the waitress is how he's going to treat you in ten years.
Stingy with the wallet means stingy in bed. Generosity is not about money. It's about time and consideration.
Masturbate before a date if you really think you might jump in the sack too soon.
Don't commit for a few months.
Try to wait six months before intercourse. That's a tough one. You probably won't get there, but try.
Men aren't the only ones who think between their legs. You do, too.

Tricks My Husband Used

My husband, before we were married, would tell my boyfriends that I used to be a man and if they looked carefully they could see the five o'clock shadow, that I robbed drug stores using the alias "Pinkie", and that I had a glass eye that "glinted" when I was lying.

And you know, some of them actually believed it.