Weirdly Cheerful Anchors at CNN Money dot com

Christine Roman smiles and smiles as she chats about the meltdown of my retirement savings. The other one, whatever her name is, does the same thing.

I recognize this trend of having attractive young women reading the news. It's the same sexist thinking that led to the choosing of Sarah Palin. It's the "hey let's get a good-looking chick in there and tell her what to say" idea. "She won't have any ideas of her own. She doesn't need qualifications." And the chirpy Christine Roman is the result.

They can't stop smiling, or in the case of Christine Roman, they can't quite eliminate the laughter in their voice. Not that she's laughing at America. No. She's not up to the task of delivering economic news. Nor understanding it, it seems.

When are we going to get some real reporters on television that aren't misplaced models? Are they really just news readers? They certainly aren't financial reporters.

I Like Russian Salad Dressing, and Can Be Your Next Secretary of State

So, our Ms. Palin lives next to Russia. She could see it from her state if she wanted to! I can't think of any better qualificaton for being Vice President myself. And I'll bet she has those Russian dolls that hide inside one another, too. Talk about credentials.

She's looked Russians in the eyes and thought about ordering vodka. Talk about vision.

Gov. Pain is scary. She doesn't choose to think about things. She could if she wanted, I'm sure. As could our current President. They just don't want to. And that's the scary part. This sort of deliberate non-thinking is appealing to many of our citizens.

Let us not underestimate Gov. Pain. After all, we are a nation that chose George W. Bush to be President. Twice.

But let's take a moment to barf on the newsman who didn't follow up on any of her absurd remarks. Note: ask for details on how living near another country prepares one for international negotiation.

Our National Discourse on Terrorism

Here's a great YouTube clip. Sad but funny.

The Paris Hilton Index

It's nice to know that not just Americans are pathetic celebrity watchers.

Pravda, yes that Pravda, has her return to jail at the top of the page with a photo of her wearing very little. This being just days from Russia threatening to turn Europe into a pancake. You'd think people missing their old Cold War charms would have something more serious to talk about. But then, look at me. I'm writing about this stuff.

The Frankfurter Allegemeine at least puts Paris Hilton stories right next to George Michael ones, and a little bit above how handwriting has gone downhill since computers. Now that shows a proper sense of perspective. But only Germans would worry about the quality of their national handwriting.

The Belfast Telegraph puts the news of Paris Hilton's jail experiences right after Putin's latest insult to Tony Blair. Let me see, so Putin allegedly orders the killing of a person on British soil and won't give up the guy indicted for the crime. Russia and Britain are in a major struggle about this, and Britain is threatening to cut all business ties with Russia "if they don't conform to international standards." This is a big deal. And right next to that is Paris Hilton! Because if you want to know about impending economic war in Europe, you will definitely want to know what Paris Hilton is doing RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

The Sydney Morning Herald has Ms. Hilton at the top of its video news on its front page. At least they title it "Paris Hilton Media Circus" and outright admit that what is important is not where she is or what she is doing, but that so many idiot news outlets consider any of that important. A little ironic reflection is needed, perhaps, since all they post is a straight Reuters film clip.

The Lithuanian ELTA ignores our poor Paris, but is excited that Playboy will now be published in Lithuanian.

All in all, poor Paris might be regretting her notoriety right now.

Iran and Nuclear Weapons: What Happened?

A few short days ago, Ahmadinejad was willing to negotiate about nuclear issues. Now he spits in the eyes of the United Nations again. With hope and baited breath, the western press adds a few paragraphs about dissent on the issue within Iran. What has happened?

From Econo-Girl's perspective, Britain's decision to withdraw troops from Iraq means that Bush will not get his little war with Iran. And of course, as soon as a loud-mouthed bully gets a little breathing room, he starts being obnoxious again, like he never was scared before. But scared he was.

And doubtless Admadinejad was a little jealous of all the stuff North Korea got for being a little cooperative. He wants some toys, too. But this entire episode demonstrates clearly that Ahmadinejad is not insane, and that he doesn't really want a war. So he's not stupid, either.

Fashion, Anorexia and Media

Econo-Girl is going to tell a little story from her time in Saudi Arabia.

It was after the first Gulf War when Econo-Girl went to Saudi Arabia. There were no images of women's bodies anywhere. All pictures of women were ones where they were draped in black cloth.

At the time, Econo-Girl was obsessed with her weight. She had been on diets on and off since she was nine. "Am I fat?" was a constant worry.

That trip to Saudi Arabia was three weeks long and Econo-Girl gained about ten pounds while there.

The funny thing is, though, I felt thin as a whistle. No advertisements peered down on me showing me what I should look like. No air-brushed photos held an ideal not even pre-teen models could reach.

The experience taught me the power of imagery and advertising. So, yes Giselle, the fashion industry is part of the anorexia problem. Let's eat cheesecake and be merry!

Iran: Inflation and Sanctions

Well this seems to be Ahmadinejad's week all right. The cost of tomatoes has tripled, the UN Security Council passed a resolution condemning Iran's nuclear program, three thousand people a month are dying from pollution in Tehran, housing prices are skyrocketing - it's hard to imagine what else could happen to get the guy down.

Americans of a certain age will remember the political kiss of death that inflation was to Jimmy Carter.

Let's try to step into Ahmadinejad's shoes.

1. Ahmadinejad is facing open discontent from Iranians because of his loudmouth antics. They feel Iran has already suffered enough from isolation, why is this guy adding to it? Iranians correctly feel that isolation leads to a worse economy;
2. Kids and older people are dying from not being able to breathe because of the pollution;
3. The UN Security Council passed a resolution against Iran's nuclear program;
4. Inflation has kicked in, which always gets an electorate angry.

So what does Ahmadinejad do? He decides to test missiles and start military maneuvers. This guy just doesn't get it. He isn't listening to his people and he isn't listening to the world. Not a recipe for political success.

Econo-Girl is most interested in how Ahmadinejad will react when he is voted out of office. Will he threaten the Iranians with military action too?

Saddam Hussein Had Dinner At My House The Other Day...

What is it with these media types who insist on referring to Saddam Hussein as "Saddam" like they hang out at the same happy hour or something? They were not on a first name basis with him and probably never even met the guy.

Such pretension riles Econo-Girl. Do they refer to Andrea Merkel as "Andrea"? Would they even think to refer to the President as "George" while reporting the news?

Econo-Girl can picture it now. The anchor tilts his head in that special way that television anchors do. He looks at the camera with his toupee perfectly in place. "George was working around the ranch today clearing sagebrush and then took a nap."

The inference of intimacy implied by first name usage is very out of place for Total Evil Man Saddam Hussein. Try wearing a t-shirt with "I Hugged Satan Today" around town and see what it gets you.

Aside from that, Econo-Girl cannot profess complete ignorance of this phenomenon. She knows that Saddam Hussein was particularly riled by being referred to by his first name only. The anchors also knew and goaded him with their false familiarity.

But is that really their role? Just report the damn news and keep your toupee on straight. Tilt your head in bizarre affectations and report the news. You are not supposed to be a part of it, tempting as it is.

South African Perspective on News

http://www.mg.co.za/
The Mail and Guardian Online is an exclusively online paper published in South Africa. It is fun and won't have Iraq on the front page at all.

Great cultural perspective. I mean, there's a whole section of the site dedicated to "The Selebi Saga." What is that, for God's sake? Americans don't even know. It's interesting to see how people on the other side of the world are just as gossip-oriented as we are, but about different things. It will have news stories not found in the U.S. For example, look at this:

"Gaza doctors say patients suffering mystery injuries Doctors in Gaza have reported previously unseen injuries from Israeli weapons that cause severe burning and leave deep internal wounds, often resulting in amputations or death. The injuries were first seen in July, when Israel launched operations in Gaza following the capture of an Israeli soldier by Palestinian militants."

Have you seen anything like this in U.S. papers? No.

Check out The Week In Pictures. And what paper in the world has a section for only good news? And yes, only good, positive news is reported there.

The sports coverage isn't even remotely familiar, but still fun.