A Touch of Rebellion
Fight the Machine
When I was a girl, some grown-up asked me why I used big words. “Because they’re pretty,” I answered. He was shocked, but it made sense to him. Later, I was fired from a babysitting job for using “weird words” that her daughter had started to use, too. “You mean vocabulary?” I asked. That was the end of the conversation.
And so, my little Tellions, as we descend into the age of AI slop, let’s revive those little words and expressions that were such attractive curlicues in our language. In the decades since that question, I’ve expanded my expressions to include the archaic, which my husband and I traded back and forth daily. G-d, I miss that man. The words in old books are beautiful things, like discovering treasures in an old box of jewelry at a yard sale that has been overlooked for too long.
Who knew it could lead to revolution?
Now that we are inundated with AI slop, what better way to evoke actual feelings than to communicate with words never used by AI? People are dying for real, authentic communication and connection. It gives a lift to the soul to know a person thought about you and wrote something meant for you. It didn’t used to. But here we are.
So here is a handy-dandy list of expressions to weave into your email discourse:
whither, thither
yon
lest
“draw a bath” means to fill the tub with water
nary
anon
betwixt
buss on the cheek
naught
wherewith
ribald
n’er do well
rapscallion
rapier wit
cut to the quick
to wit
Add to the list in the comments!
Rewriting an AI Email
From ChatGPT:
Subject: Temporary Closure of 5th Floor Bathrooms Due to Construction
Dear [Team/All],
Please be advised that due to scheduled construction work, the bathrooms on the 5th floor will be temporarily closed starting [start date] through [anticipated end date].
During this time, we ask that you use the restrooms located on other floors. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause and appreciate your patience and understanding as we work to improve our facilities.
If you have any questions or need assistance, feel free to contact [Facilities/Building Management] at [contact info].
The Alternative:
Subject: Construction Inconveniences Impede Our Bathroom Use on the Fifth Floor
Dearest Co-workers and Uneasy Allies,
Alas, the fifth floor bathrooms are not available for use by any of us, no matter the need, for the next two weeks. Ongoing building improvements prevent any such measure of relief.
Until such time as these improvements are complete, please use the restrooms elsewhere in the building. Your inconveniences related to this situation are a cause of woe to us, the building management; and we are indebted to you for your graciousness and good manners.
Any inquiries will be embraced and promptly responded to. Our Facilities Manager always answers phone calls to this number xxx-xxx-xxxx and awaits your thoughts.
