6.17.2007

Economics Explained with Cows

ECONOMICS EXPLAINED WITH COWS

SOCIALISM

You have two cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have two cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.


FASCISM

You have two cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.


NAZISM

You have two cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.


BUREAUCRACY

You have two cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the

milk away.


CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.


SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why your cow has dropped dead.


ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of

credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a

debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get

four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights for six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a

Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who

sells the rights to seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on

one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving

you with ten cows.

No balance sheet is provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.




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THE ANDERSEN MODEL

You have two cows.

You shred them.


A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads because you want

three cows.


A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow but

produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market

it worldwide.


A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and

milk themselves.


AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.


A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have two cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you, but you get to charge the

owners for storing them.


A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation, and run him over with a

tank in a large open square area.


AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.


A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.


AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the hell out of you and invade your

country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.


A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive.


AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate

14 comments:

Michael said...

An Israeli company has two cow, digitizes them, uploads them, and then hires an American immigrant to write about it in English...

The Lazy Iguana said...

Sweet. The Enron model was kind of confusing.

The Lazy Iguana said...

French Canadian Company:

You have two cows.

It gets too cold for them, so you ship them to Florida and tell them not to tip at restaurants. Then you wonder why everyone calls you a "frog".

Jonathan Carter said...

A company in South Africa:

You have 2 cows:

Both are walking along the N2 towards the airport.

Joe said...

Joe says:
The Canadian Corporation has 100 cows, being a private corporation you are not allowed to milk them. The Canadian government milks 80. The rest just wait to be milked.

Kevin said...

French corporation:
you have two cows. you surrender.

NC said...

Spanish Co-operation
You have two cows. You chuck them in a ring to fight, see who wins, and eats its testicles.

marry said...

Blogs are so informative where we get lots of information on any topic. Nice job keep it up!!
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Marketing Dissertation

Fanafjord said...

Norwegian Economics:

You have two cows.
The government bans all foreign cows, convices everybody your cows make the best milk in the world and sell it for you at ridicoulous prices.
You can actually make a living of it.
Everybody is proud of you.

Dominic said...

Russian Government:
You have two cows

The government adopts them into a program and trys to teach them ice-skating for this years international cow competition.

Anonymous said...

A Scottish Corporation:
You have two cows, you shave them, and make a sweater.

An Irish Corporation:
Your story: you have two cows who live happily in one of the northern 6 states
England's story: You have no cows because you're on English land
Bottom line: You're too drunk to give a hell about want an englishman thinks

Remlap said...

Colombian corporation:

You have two cows.

You sell one cow to buy child soldiers.

You get a child soldier to shoot the other cow with an M 16 so that you can feed it to the other child soldiers in preparation for many days of cocaine production.

Av Fries said...

South African Company

Had two cows. Failed to implant GPS tracking system. They are now in the potjie pot of some vender in Soweto who has started his own fast food business.

aFrumkin said...

Salvador Dali

you have two cows.
the government requires your zebras, but you tell them your mongooses impregnated them.
you get on your iguana, and ride away into the sunset on your camel.