ECONOMICS EXPLAINED WITH COWS
SOCIALISM
You have two cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
You have two cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have two cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have two cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
milk away.
CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why your cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights for six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
sells the rights to seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on
one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new President of the
you with ten cows.
No balance sheet is provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
You don't need money to start a dog walking business. Buy The Dog Walker's Handbook
THE ANDERSEN MODEL
You have two cows.
You shred them.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads because you want
three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow but
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market
it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have two cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you, but you get to charge the
owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation, and run him over with a
tank in a large open square area.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the hell out of you and invade your
country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate
