National Security and the Auto Industry

The United States needs the auto industry because we need the factories in case we need to produce weapons in them.

The United States needs to support the rail system because it is the fastest way to move thousands of troops from one side of the country to the other.

The United States needs to maintain its highways and bridges also to facilitate the movement of troops from one side of the country to the other.

People whose insight includes only profit take a lot for granted.

Capitalism Has Failed

Our capitalist economic system has failed. Recognizing this, and not willing to be the unthinking arm of tragedy, Cook County sheriff Sheriff Thomas J. Dart is no longer evicting people in foreclosed properties in Chicago.

I would like to meet anyone who says our financial system is working. But in a sense, it is. It's just that the outcome of our current capitalist system is politically unpalatable.

Sheriff Thomas J. Dart's refusal to throw people on the street acknowledges a breakdown of our system of economics and its political implications for the banks. The rhythmic chanting about the marketplace that we've been subjected to for years depends on the enforcement of those mores by society at large.

We, as a society, are no longer willing to adhere to the pure marketplace ideology. The inherent unfairness of allowing bankers and others to make up financial instruments and letting others suffer the consequences is not being tolerated.

This being America, the fancy financial whiz kids can expect to be indicted soon. That will be fun to watch.

So now, following Great Britain's lead, the United States is considering an ownership stake in these wayward banks. NOTE: We are officially Socialists when that happens.

Not that I'm against it. Obviously, we can't let these money guys stray too far from the barn. They can't keep out of trouble. For a group of people who pride themselves on thinking, the financial geniuses need a tutorial on how the world works. They'll find out. All is fine in America until you screw up. And you took capitalism with you this time.

Implications of Bailout

How are the Republicans going to advocate less regulations from now on?

Never again will the cry of "free, unimpeded markets" be the answer to the lack of health care. The teeth of the Republican "no government" stance have been pulled out and tossed away. Liars. Hypocrites. They never meant it to begin with, and the Wall Street gamble paid off.

We have learned through experience that greed is not good for everyone. And the greedy will not take the hit on the chin when they lose because, well, they're greedy cowards.

Now that America KNOWS that they own Wall Street, it's time to start making demands.

A cap on executive salaries with NO golden parachutes.
Compensation tied to performance.
Hiring graduates from state schools.
Diversity.
All investment bankers must run up and down Wall Street once a year in their underwear while people throw eggs at them.

Hey, I bet we could make them do it, they'd sell their own mothers for money, why not volunteer to get eggs thrown at themselves?

Economics Explained with Cows

ECONOMICS EXPLAINED WITH COWS

SOCIALISM

You have two cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have two cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have two cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have two cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRACY

You have two cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the

milk away.

CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why your cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of

credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a

debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get

four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights for six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a

Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who

sells the rights to seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on

one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving

you with ten cows.

No balance sheet is provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

You don't need money to start a dog walking business. Buy The Dog Walker's Handbook

THE ANDERSEN MODEL

You have two cows.

You shred them.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads because you want

three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow but

produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market

it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and

milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have two cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you, but you get to charge the

owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation, and run him over with a

tank in a large open square area.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the hell out of you and invade your

country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate