“You Voted For It”
Oh, how we love to gloat! Feels good, huh? Na-Na Na Na-Na! Whippee! I am superior! But somehow, it changes nothing. Those fools can’t see how wrong they were! They can’t admit they are idiots! What’s wrong with them?
Continuing on the theme of taunting and insulting people doesn’t change their minds, let’s examine a new way to analyze belief systems. Chris Shelton, a cult expert, just introduced a new model of understanding belief and persuasion: REM.
“The REM model gives us a way to move beyond surface-level disagreement. We stop asking ‘why are they so irrational?’ and start asking ‘what emotional needs or moral beliefs are shaping this person’s logic?’” explained Shelton.
This new approach explains how people fall into cults and certain belief patterns like conspiracies or politics. Essentially, he “wanted to understand why people act the way they do.” That’s what the REM model explains. Further, it is a model to understand all human belief, not just extreme ones. Any quotes are attibutable to Chris Shelton.
Reason - Emotion - Morality
Reason
Reason or rationalization. It is the reasoning we use to justify our behaviours after the fact. Actually this type of thinking is usually just coming up with rationalizations. It is the logic people tell themselves about what they think or how they act.
Emotion
Emotion layer includes “our immediate emotional reactions and our longer-term emotional needs,” according to Chris Shelton. “Needs like safety, connection, identity, control and meaning.” It could include acceptance, relief from grief or trauma, stability or “validation they never got elsewhere,” Shelton said. These powerful emotional needs are drivers for behaviour and then reason comes along to justify it.
Morality
Deepest part of who we think we are. Good/evil, right/wrong. Emotionally grounded and feels true. A shift in this layer will change an entire worldview.
To get the emotional need met, morality can shift to “obedience is good, outsiders are evil, and questioning the leader is wrong.”
Reciting facts won’t work to change their mind because the underlying emotional needs are still being met by the belief system. “It also explains why a person leaves a cult, like when they see a leader contradict their teachings it hits the core. The emotional needs of belonging starts to conflict with emotional reactions anger or grief from what they’ve seen.” Then reasoning starts to change.
People don’t change because of logic alone. Safety and shifted values lead to change.
It is the moral break from the old belief system that leads to change, not reasoned arguments. When “a moral foundation shifted, the emotional bond cracked, and suddently all the rationalizations fell away,” explained Shelton. People don’t change because of logic alone. Safety and shifted values lead to change.
“The REM model gives us a way to move beyond surface-level disagreement. We stop asking ‘why are they so irrational?’ and start asking ‘what emotional needs or moral beliefs are shaping this person’s logic?’” explained Shelton.
Foundations for beliefs need to change first - then the beliefs will change. It explains why logic and facts don’t persuade people. Personally, I think this idea a ground-breaking. If a person feels safe, valued and heard, you could change their beliefs in time. “Connection, storytelling and shared values” change minds.
“If you want to help someone change, arguing with their reason rarely works. Instead, listen for the emotional needs they are protecting. Pay attention to the moral values they are trying to live up to. That’s where real transformation happens.”
The REM model is useful in everyday life, not just extreme examples like cults. When in disagreement with someone else, ask youself: What layer am I reacting from? Am I stuck in reason while the real reason is emotional or moral? Or when judging others, ask yourself what needs or values might be underneath their behaviour?
See Shelton’s better explanation:
https://youtu.be/DOPdEf1TGNM
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