Career Advice for the Spurned Spy

When you send people a message on LinkedIn, do they delete their profile?

Are you getting spit at in Costco parking lots?

Got a long list of former friends?

You may not be an anti-torture whistleblower, but you are in the same boat as I am.  Welcome!  It can be fun being a pariah.

I rather impetuously (and obviously, I thought) declared: "Waterboarding is Torture, and Torture is Wrong" on an internal intelligence community forum in 2006.  So I can't quite say I know what you are going through, as you might not have the benefit of moral clarity. But the results are the same.  Relax. You have plenty of options!

Consider dog walking for a future career.  You will get in great shape, and dogs don't read the Washington Post.  Just don't mention splitting up families.  It's a bit of a sore subject.

You can use your sharp analytical and observational skills as an advocate for the homeless.  There's nothing like walking up and down H Street looking for an MIA client.  Or phoning all the emergency rooms asking about a John Doe.  Or having the police called on you because you asked a client to wear shoes outside.

There's also the option of becoming an intelligence expert on TV commentary shows - God knows there are no standards for that.  The trick is to give ready opinions on anything in fewer than 30 words.  Teen girls running away to ISIS?  Put them in cages, too!  Free babysitting for the other ones.  Talk about public/private partnership.  Another idea is expressing outrage that you were promised a taco truck on every corner, and yours still hasn't arrived.  Damn Democrats!  Or that Bolivia's 19-year-old vice minister of sports doesn't have a degree.  Let's invade!  You could feed on this for a long time.

Finally, there's always the handy changing-your-identity trick, and pretending you just woke from a four-year coma.  I'm sure you could sell it.  After all, who would want to remember?

Christine Axsmith, a middle-aged woman of no particular accomplishment, is a comic book series creator and co-creator for Superheroes.cool and failed standup comedian.  Oh, and she is happy and fulfilled.

On Leaving Afghanistan

The wailing and moaning about our retreat from Afghanistan shows the victory of images over thought.  After one trillion dollars and twenty years, our work there has come to nothing.  And that nothing describes the level of thought from most reporters, who can only compare pictures of the US withdrawal from Vietnam from their childhoods with what they see now, and declare our troop withdrawal a failure.

On Leaving Afghanistan

National Public Radio drips with stories about the plight of Afghan women and people who like to read who are now ruled by the Taliban.  It’s sympathetic, really.  But if they aren’t willing to fight for their freedom, why should we?  The Afghan military and political leaders raced out of their country within a day.  After twenty years of blood and gold, none of them had enough courage to fight for even themselves, let alone their country.

President Joe Biden deserves credit for making the bold and risky decision to withdraw troops from Afghanistan.  It was always going to be messy.  He knew that.  Even former President Trump thought the US should leave Afghanistan, and many Americans agreed with him, as did Obama before him.  Biden is successfully wrestling with our military leaders, who are very invested in the US remaining there.  

President Joe Biden successfully managed to do what two previous Presidents wanted to do, but couldn’t.  He is willing to take the criticism and stand by this decision despite the leaks and complaints aired against him.

The American taxpayer funded a corrupt military exercise in a corrupt country run by a Department of Defense that can’t even pass an audit.  No wait, they can’t even do an audit.  No one knows where all the money went.  Not just in Afghanistan, but anywhere in the entire Defense Department.  

Afghanistan is known as the graveyard of empires.  The United States lasted longer than most, achieved the objective of routing the group responsible for the 9-11 terror attack, and is leaving after another, very expensive, lesson.