Career Advice for the Spurned Spy

When you send people a message on LinkedIn, do they delete their profile?

Are you getting spit at in Costco parking lots?

Got a long list of former friends?

You may not be an anti-torture whistleblower, but you are in the same boat as I am.  Welcome!  It can be fun being a pariah.

I rather impetuously (and obviously, I thought) declared: "Waterboarding is Torture, and Torture is Wrong" on an internal intelligence community forum in 2006.  So I can't quite say I know what you are going through, as you might not have the benefit of moral clarity. But the results are the same.  Relax. You have plenty of options!

Consider dog walking for a future career.  You will get in great shape, and dogs don't read the Washington Post.  Just don't mention splitting up families.  It's a bit of a sore subject.

You can use your sharp analytical and observational skills as an advocate for the homeless.  There's nothing like walking up and down H Street looking for an MIA client.  Or phoning all the emergency rooms asking about a John Doe.  Or having the police called on you because you asked a client to wear shoes outside.

There's also the option of becoming an intelligence expert on TV commentary shows - God knows there are no standards for that.  The trick is to give ready opinions on anything in fewer than 30 words.  Teen girls running away to ISIS?  Put them in cages, too!  Free babysitting for the other ones.  Talk about public/private partnership.  Another idea is expressing outrage that you were promised a taco truck on every corner, and yours still hasn't arrived.  Damn Democrats!  Or that Bolivia's 19-year-old vice minister of sports doesn't have a degree.  Let's invade!  You could feed on this for a long time.

Finally, there's always the handy changing-your-identity trick, and pretending you just woke from a four-year coma.  I'm sure you could sell it.  After all, who would want to remember?

Christine Axsmith, a middle-aged woman of no particular accomplishment, is a comic book series creator and co-creator for Superheroes.cool and failed standup comedian.  Oh, and she is happy and fulfilled.