The Inauguration: DUIs and Revelry

What are you doing for the Inauguration? The greedy little Washingtonian in me wanted to rent sleeping space at $150 a night. We have a big house and would do quite well by that.

But really, I don't want strangers all over the house. In fact, I didn't even want to leave the house for the festivities because of the mobs of people who will be coming to town. Just getting a pizza will be a struggle with those kinds of numbers.

And then, my little chickadees, the DC Government announced that bars will stay open Inaugural week until 5 a.m. That's when I decided not to leave my house for a week.

Now maybe I don't want to be an active part of the wild partying. Personally, I consider myself well past such things for many years now. I might even consider such a policy move as 24 hour drinking to be less than wise. However, when I heard members of Congress paternalistically yammering on about the evils of 24 hour drinking, I got annoyed. Who are those losers to tell the residents of the District of Columbia ANYTHING?

Maybe I don't want to party. Maybe I never do. Maybe a good time for my husband and I is discussing children's books from 1925. But, by God, don't let those interfering smarty pants in Congress tell me what's wise or not. Let's see Congress intervening on decisions in their local districts and watch how much they would scream and holler.

We don't care what you think, you stupid idiots. Shut up! Meanwhile, I'll be doing the funky chicken in the comfort of my living room.


The Lazy Iguana said...

See if you were really on the ball you would be moving all your stuff into public storage NOW.

Then getting garage sale mattresses.

Then you just rent the whole house out, and take a vacation in Hawaii with the money you make.

When you return home, mop the floors with bleach and burn the sheets. Throw the garage sale mattresses out.

If you do not blow all the cash on a vacation to Hawaii, you can also burn the sofa you leave in the house and buy another one.

I would not leave my house either. Barricade the door.

But you can consider this. Sell parking spaces. Yes, parking spaces. For idiots who want to drive into the city. $100 bucks per night per car. NO ROOMS. Take the money, lock the doors, pretend you are not home. Make it clear there is no bathroom.

You can be nice and provide an extension cord so people can sleep in their car and have a space heater. But there is to be no food, no water, and no toilet. In fact no going inside the home at all. Door will be locked, nobody will answer.

Think that would work?

Econo-Girl said...

Yes. I do think it would work because drunk people are not known for their attention spans.